Coming Home
by Darklighter2016
Summary: Set after 4x17, "Demonology". Emily wanders into a church for the first time in years, and meets someone who encourages her to tell a certain blonde-haired, blue eyed media liason how she feels about her. Kind of my take on what happened in Rome when Emily was 15 as well.


Coming Home

**AN 1: Well, I thought I'd take another stab at a JJ/Emily oneshot, so here it is. It takes place at the end of Demonology (4x17) and takes on a life of its own. I hope someone out there enjoys it. The quote below is from Five Finger Death Punch's "Far From Home", which is an excellent song. I encourage anyone who's interested to go check it out; I feel like it pretty much sums up Criminal Minds on the days they have the really bad cases. All the darkness they see must be simply exhausting. I don't own the quote I used, nor do I own the characters of Criminal Minds. Anyways, enjoy.**

* * *

_Another day in this carnival of souls_

_Another night settles in as quickly as it goes_

_The memories of shadows, ink on the page_

_And I can't seem to find my way home_

_-Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch_

* * *

"May God's love be with you," Father Paul Silvano told me in Italian.

His arrogance made my blood boil. "And with you," I spat back, fighting the urge to deck him in the face.

Rossi, Morgan, Hotch and I watched as he was led away. "I saw that guy up there," Derek said. "He was certain that he was fighting against some kind of evil."

"We all have to be certain," Rossi replied with a small shrug.

"Rossi," Derek said incredulously. "Don't tell me you believe in evil."

"Don't tell me you do this job and you don't," Rossi countered.

"I believe that there are evil acts," Derek explained. "But those are choices. Brain chemistry." He turned to Hotch. "What do you think, Hotch?"

Hotch paused for a moment. "I think deep down we're all capable of unspeakable things," he replied somberly. "Where it starts or what you call it…I don't know. Let's get him out of here."

"Thank you," I told Derek before he walked off.

"Always," he replied, fixing me with a pointed stare before he walked away. I knew that I would have to make up my earlier snapping at him later.

Rossi glanced at me after Morgan and Hotch had walked away. "What are you thinking?" he asked curiously.

"It's like the end of _The Dead,_" I admitted, looking up to watch the snow swirl and fall around me in wonder. "When Gretta remembers the boy she loved when she was younger, and she says "I think he died for me.""

"You know," Rossi said, gazing at me with that kind look of understanding on his face. "James Joyce also said "there is no heresy or philosophy so abhorrent to the Church as a human being."" I nodded slightly, taking in what he said. "Where can I drop you?" he asked after a moment.

I shook my head slightly. As much as I loved Rossi, for he had become the father I never had, I wanted – no, I needed – to be alone right now. I needed time to process on my own and decide my next move. "I'm gonna walk for a while," I replied, knowing that he of all people would understand my need to be alone right now.

He gave me a sad, sympathetic smile, and started to walk away. As I continued to gaze at the pure white snow that continued to fall, his voice broke me out of my thoughts once more. "Almost seems unreal, doesn't it?" he asked knowingly, gazing at the snow as well, before he turned and walked away.

I watched him go for a few moments, then turned and walked in the opposite direction. I needed to clear my head. I needed to simply stop and process everything that had occurred within the last few days. Matthew was gone. John had almost died as well. The darkness I had faced down head-on every day since joining the BAU was beginning to swallow me whole. And the one person that I wanted to sit down and talk to about the whirlwind of emotions I was experiencing was the one that I was sure that I couldn't have.

After wandering for what felt like hours, I found myself stopped in front of a church with my arms wrapped around my body to protect me from the cold. I looked up at the cold, imposing doors and pulled a faded photograph out of my pocket. There I stood, fifteen years old and carefree and smiling, my hands grasping the hands of both John and Matthew with our arms upraised as if about to take a bow. I fought the tears that started to prick at the corners of my eyes as I looked at the worn out photo. So much had changed since that day. Suddenly, a splash of red fell on Matthew's figure. Confused, I raised my hand to find my nose bleeding.

I stepped into the church, after a few more minutes of deliberation. I hadn't stepped willingly into a church since leaving Italy. Not for anything but work, anyways; and even then it was with reluctance. I quickly brushed the thick amount of snow that had gathered on my hair and shoulders and took a seat in a pew near the door. This church bore a striking resemblance to the one my parents and I had attended while in Italy, and I closed my eyes tiredly.

"How long has it been for you, my child?" a voice questioned from somewhere in front of me.

I opened my eyes to see the priest standing before me. "A while," I replied guardedly. "How could you tell?"

"People say that we priests are like dentists; we can spot an overdue customer from a mile away. You had that air about you."

I chuckled weakly. "Of course. Well, it's been…a while."

"May I?" he asked, gesturing to the seat next to me. At my nod, he took the seat quietly. "You look troubled."

"Isn't that why people come to places like this? To look for answers?" I replied quietly.

"Some," he admitted. "Others come for reassurance that they aren't alone. Or for the comfort of knowing that there is something bigger than they are out there. And yes," he finished with a small smile, "some do come simply to make themselves look better." He shifted in his seat to look at me intently. "But something tells me that you aren't here for that."

His admission caused me to smile slightly. At least I had managed to find a priest with a sense of humor. "I, umm, I don't…" I stuttered, starting to twist my fingers in my lap as I did so. "I'm not sure I can really talk about what brought me here. At least not all of it."

The priest nodded in quiet understanding. "But there is something you wish to talk about?"

"Yeah," I exhaled, running my hands over my slacks. _What could it hurt at this point, right? _I thought to myself. After all, it wasn't like this man knew me; he couldn't really share what he heard. "I see a lot of really bad things in my line of work. I couldn't even really begin to describe to you some of the things I've seen, and you probably wouldn't want to know even if I could. But there's this person I work with, you see. When I transferred here, they accepted me almost immediately. We bonded like clockwork. We just went through something that was beyond hard for me, both professionally and personally, and all I want to do is be able to say to this person what it means to me that they were there for me. I just…don't know how."

The priest fixed me with a somewhat amused look. "You know, that is not what I was expecting to hear at all," he said with a small laugh. "You must really care about this woman a lot."

My eyes narrowed. "I never said it was a woman."

"My daughter is gay," he explained, causing me to start with surprise. "When she finally came out to me, she used the same words you did. You know, 'they' and 'them', rather than 'he' and 'him'. It was a guess."

"All the other Catholic priests I've met have told me homosexuality is wrong," I said around a sigh. "Yet this doesn't seem to bother you at all."

"You know, Jesus stated "A new commandment that I give unto you, that you love one another." I believe that the Word of the Son is just as important as the Word of God. My daughter is, by definition of this church, a sinner who is doomed unless she repents and renounces her love for one of the most wonderful women I've ever had the privilege of meeting. But she is my daughter. She's the same little girl that I held as a baby, that I taught how to ride a bike, that I watched grow up to love without reservation. So I believe that she is without sin, and if I believe that about her, then surely it must be true for you as well. Love is the most important thing we have in the world; it would be wrong to cast you out due to the sex of the one you love."

His words eased the pain I had been carrying inside of me since our preacher in Italy told me I'd be cast out for my abortion. _If only I had met this man then,_ I mused. This acceptance was what I had been searching for since I was a child. "Thank you, Father," I murmured, not trusting myself to say much else.

"What's her name, my child?" he asked gently.

"Jennifer," I breathed. "Her name is Jennifer."

"You should go to her. I can't help but feel that the pain you've been carrying around inside of you for so many years has lifted somewhat. Maybe it's a sign that it's time for you to admit – both to yourself and Jennifer – what she means to you."

I stood after he spoke. "Thank you, Father…umm, I'm sorry, I don't even know your name."

"Romano," he said, standing to shake my hand. "Antonio Romano."

"Emily," I replied, shaking his hand.

"Emily," he repeated. "Should you ever need anything, you should know that my church is always open to you.

"Thank you, Father Romano," I replied, stepping out into the cold night air. After he closed the door to the church gently, I took one last look at the church before beginning the long walk to JJ's townhouse.

I arrived on her doorstep a little after one in the morning, my hair and clothes now drenched from the melted snow. Nervously, I knocked on her door and stamped my feet to rid myself of the snow caught on my boots. A light flickered on from inside the house, and immediately I began to regret my decision; what if I had woken up Will? Or Henry? Perhaps I should have waited until the morning.

The door opened, breaking me out of my musings. I suppose by now it was too late to regret my decision or run away. "Em?" a sleepy voice asked.

"JJ, hi," I said in a strangled voice. "Sorry, I know it's late…I just…well, I really wanted to talk to you. May I come in?"

JJ smiled at me. "After the day we just had, of course you can." She stepped aside, allowing me to enter the warm interior. I smiled softly when I walked in; noticing that despite her tired appearance, JJ still gripped her Glock 26 in her hand, ready to defend herself and her family if necessary. "How are you holding up?" she asked gently, leading me into the living room.

"I…don't know, exactly," I answered honestly, sitting down on the couch and clasping my hands in front of me. "Matthew was..." I trailed off. How do I explain to her exactly who Matthew was to me? How much he meant to me?

"Take your time," she said, her blue eyes looking into mine with understanding. "I'm not going anywhere, Emily. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."

I let out a ragged breath and glanced down at my hands, noticing how much I had chewed on my nails in the past few days, which was a clear sign of my stress levels. "Matthew was my lifeline," I stated bluntly.

JJ's face revealed how shocked she was. I had never said anything quite like that admission to anyone. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "It's a long story."

"I've got time," she countered, crossing her legs and settling more into her couch.

I took a deep breath, and began to tell her my story. "We moved a lot when I was young; my mom was on assignment nearly constantly. When I was fifteen, we moved to Italy for her assignment at the US Embassy in Rome…"

"_Oh, Emily, stop being so sullen," my mother chided me as we walked through the airport terminal._

"_I'm not being sullen," I mumbled, biting my thumbnail as we walked. "I just don't understand why you couldn't let me finish school back in D.C."_

"_This is a fantastic opportunity for me," she replied. "Now, stop biting your nails; that's such an embarrassment. You really need to break that filthy habit."_

Deep breathes, _I reminded myself, shoving my hands into my hoodie pockets as we walked._

_We arrived at the American Embassy without any kind of trouble. I was taking in the surroundings of the new place I would be forced to call 'home' when a shoulder slammed into me, knocking me to the ground._

_A boy's face loomed over me. "Hey, I'm sorry about that," he said, reaching out to help me up._

"_Don't worry about it," I replied, grabbing the boy's hand._

"_I'm John," he said, keeping a hold of my hand after I regained my balance. "Cooley."_

"_Emily Prentiss," I replied._

"_Whoa, so your mom is _the _Elizabeth Prentiss?" he asked curiously._

"_Yeah, that's her."_

_He laughed, his brown eyes twinkling in my direction. "You sound about as excited about that as a cat would be if asked how it felt about a bath."_

"_Well, you know…it's just normal for me at this point," I stated, not willing to get into how I felt about my mother and her various postings with a total stranger._

"_Yeah, I do," he said, finally letting go of my hand. "My parents work at the Embassy too, so I totally get it. If you ever need someone to hang out with, then here's my number." He scrawled his phone number with a Sharpie on a slip of paper that he had pulled out of his pocket. As I accepted the slip, John's attention was caught by another brown-haired boy across the entrance. "Hey, Matthew, wait up!" he called, and started to jog to the boy's side._

"_Emily Elizabeth," my mom hissed at me as I pocketed the paper. "Where have you been? I've already been shown our quarters." She seized my arm and began to lead me towards the elevator. I managed to catch one last glimpse of John and the boy named Matthew before the elevator doors shut._

"That was the first time I met John Cooley," I said, passing a hand over my face.

"The same John Cooley we rescued tonight?" JJ asked, emerging from the kitchen with two tall glasses of water clutched in her hands.

"Yeah," I laughed. "His parents had been posted in Italy for six months when I got there. We started to hang out, since both of us were considered the new kids on the block. He had befriended another boy whose parents had been posted in Italy for eight months, so all three of us soon became really good friends."

"Matthew?" she asked softly.

"Matthew." I took the glass of water she offered me. I ran a hand over my face. "We were so different back then. Matthew was the good one; he believed in God and he didn't question his parents or teachers. He never did drugs, he did well in school, and never caused trouble. John was the rebel; he partied almost every night, slept with a number of girls, and only went to church when forced to. He did keep his grades up though, so his parents never suspected anything."

JJ gave me a soft smile. "And you? Were you a Matthew or a John?" Her smile told me she was joking, but I explained anyways.

"I was in the middle," I laughed quietly. "You wouldn't think it if you looked at that picture Garcia found of me, but I wasn't always that…ahem, scary-looking."

"I could see it," she said, causing me to smile. "So who were you closer to?"

"John," I admitted. JJ looked at me in surprise. I sighed. It was time to admit to her one of my most well-hidden secrets. "One night, John and I were at a party…"

"_Is this party bitchin' or what?" John yelled at me excitedly over the music, a beer gripped tightly in his hand. _

"_It's not bad," I agreed, taking a drag of my cigarette. I gulped down the rest of my beer and stamped out the still-burning cigarette butt. "Let's dance," I said excitedly, grabbing his hand and placing it on my waist._

_John's hands gripped my hips tightly as we began to move to the music. I could smell the scent of alcohol on his breath as he moved closer to me and began to place drunken, sloppy kisses on my neck. "Let's get out of here," he slurred. _

_I felt his erection pressing into my hip, and knew exactly where he was wanting the night to head, and while I wasn't interested in him the way I knew he was in me, I was too far gone to really care. The desire to feel wanted and accepted was too strong; I had just gotten in a fight with my mother earlier for a bad mark on a paper I had wrote earlier in the week, and was anxious to erase the memory from my mind. I nodded as he continued his assault on my neck. "Let's get out of here," I agreed, taking his hand and leading him up the stairs of the house we were in._

"Can I ask you something?" JJ asked me as I paused, unwilling to admit what exactly had taken place after we went up the stairs. Her gorgeous blue eyes peered into mine. "Why did you agree if you weren't interested in him?"

I drained the rest of my water glass and sat it on the coffee table in front of me. "You have to understand, Jayje," I sighed, picking at my thumbnail. "We moved around a lot. I wasn't ever really thought of as anything but the new girl; no one bothered to get to know the Ambassador's daughter when they knew I'd just be leaving again at a moment's notice. I could easily tell you the number of times that my mother has told me she loved me on one hand, even to this day. And when that's your life…all you want is to be accepted." I shifted on the couch and tucked my legs underneath my body.

She nodded in understanding. "What happened after that?"

I closed my eyes._ Time to confess_, I thought to myself. "I found out I was pregnant," I admitted. JJ's sharp intake of breath caused me to wince internally. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all. "Imagine how I felt, learning this, but knowing that I couldn't provide for a baby the way it deserved to be cared for at that time."

"Emily, look at me," she commanded gently. I felt the couch shift as she moved closer towards me, and cracked my eyes open cautiously. Her warm palm landed on my cheek, causing me to internally shiver. Her touch always sent my heart racing. "You can tell me anything," she said softly. "I care about you, Em. I don't want you to think I'm going to judge you for anything."

"I told John about the baby," I managed to choke out, my eyes starting to fill with tears as I thought of the memories that had been haunting me for over fifteen years. I took a deep breath and willed myself not to cry. "He didn't want anything to do with it. He couldn't even look at me after I told him." I closed my eyes again at the sensation of JJ's thumb brushing over my cheekbone in a comforting manner. "I couldn't tell my mom. That would have definitely fallen under the 'I can't believe how much you've embarrassed me' category. So, I told the only person I had left. I told Matthew."

"_Emily, what is it?" Matthew asked me intently. We were sitting cross-legged on his bed with our homework scattered all around us. "You said you had something to tell me, but you've just been sitting there in silence for the last three hours."_

"_I don't know how to say it," I admitted, chewing on my bottom lip._

_He smiled and grabbed my hand. "I know John is being a complete jerk right now, but no matter what it is you have to tell me, I promise I won't leave you to deal with it alone." He poked my side in a teasing manner. "If you killed someone, I'll help you hide the body."_

_His words caused me to laugh for the first time in a week. "I didn't kill anybody, Matt, but thanks."_

"_Then what could have you this worried?"_

_I gulped nervously. "Remember that party John and I went to a while back?"_

"_Yeah, what about it?" he asked quizzically._

"_Well, we were drunk, you know…one thing lead to another, and we ended up leaving for the night. Things got out of hand. Matt, I'm pregnant. John's the father. When I told him, he started avoiding me completely. That's why he hasn't been around."_

_He leaned back against his headboard. "Wow," he muttered, passing a hand over his face. "No wonder he's been so off lately." He looked at me. "What are you going to do?"_

"_I don't know," I admitted, trying without success to keep from crying. "I can't tell my mom…but I can't keep it either. I don't know what I'm going to do, Matt."_

_He continued to look at me intently. "Maybe we should go talk to Father Russo," he suggested quietly. "He might know what to do."_

"What did the priest say?" she asked me softly.

"He told me if I got an abortion that I would no longer be welcome in his congregation," I said bitterly. "Once again, I was going to be unaccepted, by someone who preaches about how God loves all his people." I closed my eyes again, afraid to look at the woman I had come to love and see her eyes filled with the kind of loathing I had been taught to expect when people learned about my past.

"Emily," JJ called again, cradling my face in her hands. "It's okay," she whispered. "Look at me," she commanded softly. I opened my eyes to peer into hers, expecting to see her eyes filled with repugnance for the decision I had made when I was just a kid. Instead, I saw her eyes filled with love and acceptance. "You did what you had to do," she murmured. "It isn't your fault." One of her hands dropped from my face to lace her fingers through mine. "Do you want to tell me the rest of it?"

"Matthew found me a doctor who was willing to perform the operation," I said shakily, somewhat surprised by her easy acceptance of my past. "He stayed with me through the whole thing…and the weekend after we got back from the clinic, he walked me into the church, despite the priest's warnings that I wouldn't be welcome anymore. We sat right in the front pew, directly in front of Father Russo."

"What happened?" JJ asked, gripping my hand tightly in hers in a silent show of support.

"They just stared at each other. I won't forget that sight for as long as I live, Jayje. It was like two alpha wolves posed to duel for pack leadership, the air was so tense. I had never seen Matthew so defiant before that moment. And then the priest just went back to his sermon like nothing had happened. Matthew saved my life; but after that his life was turned upside down. He started to question everything he used to believe without question, fell into drugs, and…well, you know what happened to him."

"Emily, why would you tell me all of this?" JJ asked me once I had finished. "Not that I mind; I'm beyond happy to know that you trust me with this much of your past, but you've never been one to just share things like this."

I looked down at our still intertwined hands, vaguely noting that her hand seemed to fit perfectly in mine. "After we arrested Silvano, I took a really long walk. I found myself in front of a church after a while. Something told me to go in, even though I hadn't willingly gone into a church since leaving Italy. I ran into the priest, and we started to talk. He's the one who encouraged me to come here."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "That must have been one hell of a talk," she joked, squeezing my hand to let me know that she was kidding.

"Something like that," I murmured. I glanced at my watch; it was now well past three am. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Jen. You've been up with me for over two hours; I bet Will is wondering what you're still doing out of bed."

This time it was her turn to look away from me. "He's not here," she muttered, running her free hand through her blonde hair.

"What?"

"He's not here," she repeated, continuing to look away from me and blinking hard. "He hasn't been here for months, Em."

My jaw dropped. This was news to me. "What happened, Jen?" I squeezed her hand in a silent gesture of support.

"The short version of the story is he wanted me to quit my job after Henry was born," she explained, tears starting to well in her eyes. "He said that it was a woman's job to stay home and raise her children, and when I refused, he walked out. Said that if I loved my job so much that I was unwilling to be with him, then I should do it while trying to raise my son alone instead of treating him like Mr. Mom."

My jaw tightened at her words. I always knew that Will was extremely old-fashioned and that this had caused some tension between the two of them, but I never knew that it had gotten so out of control. "I'm so sorry, Jayje; I didn't know. So it's just been you and Henry?"

"Yeah," she said, crying freely now. "It's been hard, Emily. Henry isn't old enough to fully understand what happened; he just knows that his daddy isn't here anymore and that Mommy isn't around much."

"If I had known…God, Jennifer, if I had known I would've been there for you, I swear." I murmured, wiping away her tears as I did so.

"Thanks," she mumbled, leaning into my shoulder as she did so.

"Always," I replied, just as quietly. "I know this isn't exactly the right time, but I came here tonight to tell you something else. I really care about you, Jennifer. Hell, it's more than that; I'm in love with you. I was going to come here tonight to tell you that – Will be damned – because I thought you should know that you have someone who is always going to be on your side, no matter the cost."

"Emily…what are you talking about?" she asked softly, pulling away from me slightly to look into my eyes.

"I wasn't going to tell you at all, originally; after what happened in Italy, I wasn't willing to ever expose myself to that kind of pain again, but –"

"Wait," JJ interrupted. "I thought you said that you weren't romantically interested in John?"

"I wasn't," I replied. "Not romantically, but he was a friend, and he left me the moment my pregnancy was discovered. That hurt more than anything else we had done. The first to accept me became the first to discard me the instant something beyond my control happened."

"I'm sorry," she said. "Umm, you were saying?"

I chuckled internally at her awkward attempt to shift the subject back towards me. "But then I met you. And I don't know what exactly changed, but when I met you I fell hard. It was like coming up for air for the first time in I don't know how long. You were the first to welcome me into the family that the BAU is; the first to try to get me out of my shell. You're my best friend, my lifeline whenever a case gets too much to handle, and I can't really picture life without you in it. And I know that Will hurt you, but if you let me, I will be there for you however you need me to be. Jennifer, you're like coming home. I hope you'll at least consider giving me a chance, because you mean everything to me."

JJ touched my jaw lightly, causing a warmth unlike I had ever known to spread throughout my body. "You know, for the longest time I thought you had feelings for me, but didn't know how to confront you about it even though I had pretty quickly become enamored by you as well. Garcia tried to tell me that I wasn't imagining it, that you cared for me a lot, but then you pushed me towards Will. I didn't want to choose him, but he was there and you were telling me to be with him, so I left. By the time I realized that I really didn't want to be with him whether you had feelings for me or not, I was already pregnant. And I love Henry; he's my whole world and I wouldn't trade him for anything, but I wasn't in love with Will. It was always you, Emily. Will leaving hurt Henry more than it hurt me. I didn't tell you because I was sure that you had moved on by then, and I didn't want to make you feel like you owed me something by saying that I knew you had once had feelings for me."

"Jennifer," I whispered reverently. "I love you." I knew that she was admitting to caring for me just as much as I cared for her, rendering me incapable of saying much else.

She didn't respond this time, she simply pulled me close and kissed me. The intensity of the kiss surprised me, but it didn't take me long to wrap my arms around her waist and tug her closer to me. I felt a combination of love and trust pouring through the kiss, and I kissed her harder in response. After we both pulled away, she looked into my eyes intently. "You know I have a son," she stated baldly.

"I know," I replied calmly. "I love Henry, you know that. Like he was my own."

"And I come with baggage."

I laughed and gave her an "are you kidding me" look. "After what I told you tonight, do you think I don't?"

"Just making sure," she replied, kissing me senseless again. "Stay with me tonight?" she asked shyly once we had pulled apart once more.

"For as long as you want me," I replied, pulling her up off the couch and wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Emily," she said as she led me towards her bedroom.

"Hmm?"

"You're like coming home for me too," she murmured, kissing the back of my knuckles.

Before she settled into my arms for the night, I silently noted that when I woke up I should make sure to thank Father Antonio Romano for giving me the push I needed to finally find my way home.

* * *

_Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres._

_1 Corinthians 13:4-7_

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**AN 2: Aaaand once again, I hope that at least someone enjoyed it. Drop me a line if you did, I'd really appreciate it. I really like the Bible quote I have at the end here, and think it kind of sums up their relationship. Love is patient, and love is kind. Love perseveres. Much like Emily and JJ coming back to each other after all that has happened. Anyways...let me know what you think. Darklighter out.  
**


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